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Idiot Anti-Nukers Will Only Have Seconds to Say They Were Right printable version

27 Apr 2022: posted by the editor - Features, International

By David Swanson
There’s a lot of funny stuff in politics, but the most ludicrous has got to be these holdovers from the 1980s running around warning that we could all die in a nuclear war. The idiots have not realized that nobody cares, that they look like morons, and that they’ll only have seconds in which to point out that they were right. What sort of awards do they expect to be given in the space of a half a minute?

Everybody’s going to be about to die in a matter of seconds. Maybe some people will be in lucky places and have a few minutes. Maybe on the edges of certain areas people will get to writhe in pain for hours. Or if it’s a small nuclear war limited to one part of the world, and other people are doomed to envy the dead while starving to death under a nuclear winter, tell me who is really going to want to be told that a bunch of people we’ve never heard of who look like morons were right all along? Who’s going to even believe they were right all along and didn’t just make up that they’d been screaming the same thing at the top of their lungs for 75 years? Won’t we be too busy saying goodbye to our loved ones? Won’t we actually blame these people who knew what was coming but were so incompetent at screaming for 75 years that we never even heard them? I mean you’d really have to suck at screaming, right?

So, here’s some advice that I offer free of charge to the anti-nukes crowd. Predict things that you can survive. You can even predict climate collapse, but predict it by stages, predict how bad it will get 1 year at a time, see? That way you can take credit and at least have a little clique of weirdos who think you’re awesome.

Or, if you want to do better than that, predict actually admirable things. You’re into nukes, right? So, predict that the stocks of nuke companies are going to soar. It’s not rocket science (get it?) when you just have to buy the stocks that Congress Members tweet that they just bought. Even you nitwits can manage this. If you predict that weapons stocks are going up and you buy them, you will look cool as hell.

You can even predict that sending billions of dollars worth of free weapons to anybody who lives near Russia and hasn’t been censored by Youtube will lead to a need for yet more weapons. Now you start looking genius. Take it from me, almost nobody gets this. You can predict that adding more countries to NATO will mean more weapons, plus more Russian hostility, plus more Russian spending on weapons, which will mean more U.S. spending on weapons, which will mean even more countries in NATO. Are you catching on?

I’m letting you in on what is still pretty much the ground floor here. If this goes the way I think, you can even predict that more NATO expansion is needed because of a coming nuclear war, which is bound to . . . oh god damn piss merde jesus hellraiser christ. OK we’re back where you jackasses started. But only after many weeks of glory and admiration. Think about it.

You’re pretty much just trying to help everyone without any benefit to yourselves. Idiots.

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