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Kneecap - 01 May 2025 filed by the editor - Opinion
Back to dark times - 25 Apr 2025 filed by the editor - Opinion
The Ogre in the Middle East - 03 Feb 2025 filed by the editor - Opinion
Gaza, Palestine and Israel - 21 Jan 2025 filed by the editor - Opinion

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Idiot Anti-Nukers Will Only Have Seconds to Say They Were Right       printable version
27 Apr 2022: posted by the editor - Features, International

By David Swanson
There’s a lot of funny stuff in politics, but the most ludicrous has got to be these holdovers from the 1980s running around warning that we could all die in a nuclear war. The idiots have not realized that nobody cares, that they look like morons, and that they’ll only have seconds in which to point out that they were right. What sort of awards do they expect to be given in the space of a half a minute?

Everybody’s going to be about to die in a matter of seconds. Maybe some people will be in lucky places and have a few minutes. Maybe on the edges of certain areas people will get to writhe in pain for hours. Or if it’s a small nuclear war limited to one part of the world, and other people are doomed to envy the dead while starving to death under a nuclear winter, tell me who is really going to want to be told that a bunch of people we’ve never heard of who look like morons were right all along? Who’s going to even believe they were right all along and didn’t just make up that they’d been screaming the same thing at the top of their lungs for 75 years? Won’t we be too busy saying goodbye to our loved ones? Won’t we actually blame these people who knew what was coming but were so incompetent at screaming for 75 years that we never even heard them? I mean you’d really have to suck at screaming, right?

So, here’s some advice that I offer free of charge to the anti-nukes crowd. Predict things that you can survive. You can even predict climate collapse, but predict it by stages, predict how bad it will get 1 year at a time, see? That way you can take credit and at least have a little clique of weirdos who think you’re awesome.

Or, if you want to do better than that, predict actually admirable things. You’re into nukes, right? So, predict that the stocks of nuke companies are going to soar. It’s not rocket science (get it?) when you just have to buy the stocks that Congress Members tweet that they just bought. Even you nitwits can manage this. If you predict that weapons stocks are going up and you buy them, you will look cool as hell.

You can even predict that sending billions of dollars worth of free weapons to anybody who lives near Russia and hasn’t been censored by Youtube will lead to a need for yet more weapons. Now you start looking genius. Take it from me, almost nobody gets this. You can predict that adding more countries to NATO will mean more weapons, plus more Russian hostility, plus more Russian spending on weapons, which will mean more U.S. spending on weapons, which will mean even more countries in NATO. Are you catching on?

I’m letting you in on what is still pretty much the ground floor here. If this goes the way I think, you can even predict that more NATO expansion is needed because of a coming nuclear war, which is bound to . . . oh god damn piss merde jesus hellraiser christ. OK we’re back where you jackasses started. But only after many weeks of glory and admiration. Think about it.

You’re pretty much just trying to help everyone without any benefit to yourselves. Idiots.

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AllAfrica News: Congo-Kinshasa

Former DR Congo President Kabila Loses Immunity Over Alleged M23 Rebel Ties

[RFI] Democratic Republic of Congo's Senate has overwhelmingly voted to strip former president Joseph Kabila of his honorific immunity. It follows accusations he backed the M23 rebel group which has seized land in the mineral-rich east of the country with Rwandan support.

As More People Are Driven From Their Homes In DRC Food Insecurity Worsens, Creating Heightened Humanitarian Needs Regionally

[WFP] Kinshasa -- The United Nations World Food Programme (WFP) warned today that the sheer scale of people being displaced from their homes in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) due to escalating conflict, is pushing food insecurity to crisis proportions and deepening an already strained humanitarian response both internally and across the region.

Army-Backed Militias Abuse Civilians in South Kivu

[HRW] Nairobi -- End Support to 'Wazalendo' Armed Groups; Ensure Disarmament, Accountability

As More People Are Driven From Their Homes in DRC Food Insecurity Worsens, Creating Heightened Humanitarian Needs Regionally

[WFP] KINSHASA, Democratic Republic of Congo - The United Nations World Food Programme (WFP) warned today that the sheer scale of people being displaced from their homes in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) due to escalating conflict, is pushing food insecurity to crisis proportions and deepening an already strained humanitarian response both internally and across the region. WFP is scaling up its efforts to ensure lifesaving aid reaches displaced communities, but assistance is not keeping pace with the

'We Were Told We'd Be Killed', Says Rwandan Returning From DR Congo

[New Times] Sibomana Hitimana was one of 642 Rwandan returnees who crossed from DR Congo at the Grande Barrière border post in Rubavu District on Thursday, May 22.

Former DR Congo Prime Minister Sentenced to Hard Labour for Corruption

[allAfrica] Former Democratic Republic of Congo Prime Minister Augustin Matata Ponyo was sentenced to ten years of forced labour for embezzling around $245 million of public funds, alongside Deogratias Mutombo, the former governor of the central bank, who received a five-year sentence.

All of Africa Today - May 21, 2025

[allAfrica] Commercial Diplomacy Now 'Core Focus of U.S. Engagement with Africa'

'We Hope the Pope Will Make an Appeal for Peace in the Democratic Republic of Congo'

[Agenzia Fides] Kinshasa -- "We hope the Pope will make an appeal for peace in the Democratic Republic of Congo," write the members of ACMEJ (Association Against Evil and for the Integration of Youth) of Katogota, in the province of South Kivu, in the east of the country.

Commercial Diplomacy Now 'Core Focus of U.S. Engagement with Africa'

[allAfrica] Monrovia -- The Trump administration is adopting a new commercial diplomacy strategy for sub-Saharan Africa "based on what we've seen that actually works," the acting head of the Africa Bureau at the U.S. State Department, Ambassador Troy Fitrell, said in a briefing on Tuesday.

'Keep the Lights On' for Women and Girls Caught Up in Crisis

[UN News] Women and girls living through humanitarian crises are at risk of being overlooked - just as they are at their most vulnerable.

Rwandan Returnees From DR Congo Hopeful for Better Life

[New Times] Rwandans who returned from DR Congo recently said they were excited about the country's safety and development after enduring life-threatening conditions in the neighboring county for decades.

Briefing by Ambassador Troy Fitrell on Commercial Diplomacy Trip to West Africa

[State Department] MODERATOR: Good afternoon to everyone from the U.S. Department of State's Africa Regional Media Hub. I welcome our participants logging in from across the continent and thank all of you for joining us. Today, we are very pleased to be joined by the Senior Bureau Official for the Department of State's Bureau of African Affairs, Ambassador Troy Fitrell. Ambassador Fitrell will review his commercial diplomacy trip to West Africa and outline the U.S. State

Rwanda Receives Hundreds More Returnees From DR Congo

[New Times] Rwandan authorities on Monday, May 19 received a group of 796 Rwandans returning from eastern DR Congo, where they had been held hostage by the FDLR, a militia founded by remnants of the perpetrators of the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi.

The Tale of the Short-Lived 'Central Kivu' Province

[New Times] In our previous article, "The 67-year struggle for congolese Tutsi citizenship must end," we explored how the Kinyarwanda-speaking community's electoral victories in Eastern DR Congo fueled resentment among the elite Banande, Bahunde, and Banyanga, who then campaigned to deny them citizenship.

A Durable Rwanda-DRC Peace Requires Inclusive Engagement With Armed Actors

[New Times] As the United States assumes a more visible role in mediating peace between Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC), it enters a crowded and fragile diplomatic landscape.

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